If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so let's talk penis.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
