It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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