I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize