I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
