The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
