My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
