i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
