and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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