I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize