i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
