I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
