How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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