The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
