I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
