i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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