morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
