Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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