nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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