i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
