ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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