nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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