a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
