His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
