I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
