so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
