PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
