So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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