Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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