I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
