You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
