all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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