whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
