Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
