I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
