not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
