she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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