I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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