At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Send help, water and tortillas.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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