hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
