I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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