The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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