It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
