based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
