Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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