Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
