Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
