your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
