and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
