The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
