So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
