I wanna bring you to show and tell
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
