I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
