eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
