I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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