Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Boobs are out for the taking
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
