So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
