just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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