if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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