Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
