I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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