You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to calm my uterus...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
