Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize