All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
