i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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