Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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