So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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