It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
