I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
