My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
